I know that only some of you will see this. Ebony, you'll probably see it right away. Mel, I hope you stumble upon this entry sooner rather than later.
I am truly sorry for everything that I have put you through. You don't know how much I wish I could take it all back. I wish that I had kept my mouth shut and never told you the truth, because it has only made things worse. I am sorry for hurting you. I am sorry for worrying you.
I have given this a lot of thought and, after Christmas, I am going to see if my doctor will consider admitting me into a psychiatric hospital. I know it won't really solve anything, because it never has before, but at least then I'll have tried. I'll have tried the one thing I have left to try and make things better.
I will miss you all so much because if I do get admitted, I will not be allowed to contact you. However, maybe when I come back I'll be better and I won't do nothing but upset you all, all the time.
Please accept my apologies, and I will do my best to get better. Take care of each other while I am gone.
With all my love, heart and soul,
Erica
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