Warning: Long post, may be offensive. Some thoughts on "God" and religion...

A discussion some of my friends were having at work tonight got me to thinking about a few things…I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but this is the result. This is not meant to offend anyone, and, obviously, these thoughts and beliefs are completely mine and mine alone. I don't expect anyone to feel the same way that I do, nor will I ever try to convince anyone to think the way that I do. The beautiful part about being human is that we're all allowed to have our own beliefs and opinions (although it would be nice if people would learn to be more tolerant of individual beliefs, but that's a topic for another day…)

 

Evan, Igor, Travis and Krystle somehow got into a discussion about religion. I suppose it should be mentioned that Igor is Ukranian and, therefore, extremely religious as a result of his culture; Travis runs a youth ministry at his church; and, apparently, Krystle holds her religious beliefs quite close to her heart. Evan, on the other hand, is an atheist through and through. He doesn't believe in God at all. He says that he doesn't believe because he doesn't think that we, aka humanity as a species, has evolved to the point where we can understand where everything started, and therefore any explanation we may provide ourselves with at this point in our evolutionary journey is merely speculation and, in turn, God is not real, he's simply something we made up to appease ourselves and attempt an explanation at something we cannot understand. Interesting theory, that.

 

Then, of course, Evan decided to flat out ask me whether or not I believe in God. He asked me for a simple yes or no answer, and without really hesitating at all, I said no. Evan got all excited that there was finally someone who agreed with him, at least that far, and went on to continue talking to the other three, while I went back to my desk and put my headphones back on, but it got me to thinking…why is it that I don't believe in God? Why can't I make myself believe in something that gives so many people so much comfort and strength?

 

It's not that I don't believe in any form of higher power, because I do. I consider myself more of a spiritual person than a religious one, because in my opinion, "religion" is simply a manmade set of rules and beliefs put into place to try and control and strike fear into the hearts of the masses. I'm not going to get into a huge history lesson here, because that's not the point of this at all, but all you have to do is skim through the history of Christianity, Judaism, Islam (those are the only three that I've really studied extensively, so I won't comment on any others for fear of making a fool of myself) and you'll see that it's riddled with wars, violence, and intolerance. I have a hard time believe that this "God" that everyone says is so kind and good and forgiving would encourage "His" followers to kill and rape, pillage and defile in "His" name, in order to spread "His" word.

 

Now, I was raised as a Catholic. I was baptized when I was a toddler, did my first communion and all that jazz, even went through with the confirmation to appease my mother. I attended religion classes from grade 1 to grade 9 in a special program at the church that my family belongs to, so you can't tell me that I don't know what I'm talking about. I've studied it, lived it, attended church on a regular basis…and, because of all of that, I was able to form my own conclusions. I just don't buy into all the crap that "religion" stands for. What kind of "God" would create "His people" in such a manner that he would be forced to condemn them to eternal damnation? If  "God" created all of us, then why is it wrong to be homosexual or bisexual? The Bible is a book written by men. The rules that it entails were "interpreted" by these so-called "profits" to fit what was needed by the elite classes at the time in order to control the masses. It's all a bunch of bullshit, essentially.

 

I suppose that when it comes right down to it, it's not just "God" that I don't believe in, it's religion. I prefer not to follow a set of rules that were set down by humans thousands of years ago and are no longer truly relevant to the times we're living in. Sometimes I wish that I could follow some sort of religious belief, because it seems to bring so many people so much comfort in the hard times of their lives. But then I sit back and look at everything that I've been through and I can't help but think to myself, "What kind of God would allow someone to go through so much pain and suffering if He is supposed to love all of his children? Why have I been forced to endure so much loss and sadness if He's really kind and generous?" and that's all it takes to make me stop even considering looking to religion for comfort and strength. I find my strength in myself, in my friends and family, and in music. And at the end, that's enough for me. If I end up in Hell, so be it. Can't say I really believe in that either, so what's the difference?

 

Of course, I know that something had to put us all here, but I don't think that something had to be some all knowing, all powerful being. And I will never, ever buy into the fact that our lives are predestined. I believe that we will always have the ability to choose our own path, and that yes, some things may be more likely to happen given the choices we make, but that's exactly what they are, choices. To me, thinking that I have some control over my own life is far more comforting than being told that "God" has the final word in what happens to me and my "soul."

 

Wow…I rambled on a lot longer than I thought I would. I hope some of this makes some sort of sense…*sigh* Why can't I ever turn my brain off?