I had the strangest dream last night...

I was at my house with my family, and we had a huge argument. They were calling me a liar about some things that have happened to me, and I got really upset. I went out to our front porch (it's closed in) with my knife and sat down in the corner, dragging the blade over my wrists over and over...there was so much blood everywhere, and I started to black out. All the sudden I felt someone shaking me, and I opened my eyes to find Tarja Turunen kneeling beside me grabbing my shoulders, crying hysterically that I was going to die and she wasn't going to let that happen. We were still on my front porch, or at least it looked like my front porch, but my family was nowhere to be found. She called for Tuomas to come and he lifted me up, and he was crying, and he brought me back into the house and laid me down on the living room floor (we don't own a couch...yeah, weird, I know) and then I was alone again while everyone ran around (the whole band was there, even Anette...) trying to find something to stop the bleeding. I remember telling them to just let me go, that I didn't want to live anymore if everyone was going to call me a liar, and they kept telling me no, that I wasn't going to die, that they believed me and I would be fine. I guess I must have blacked out again, because the next thing I remember in my dream is this little girl standing beside me staring at me, her bright, blue eyes filled with tears. She grabbed hold of my hand and said "Mommy, you can't leave me and Daddy alone...what are we going to do without you?" and I tried to speak but I couldn't...she just held my hand and then Tuomas came over again and smiled and sat down beside me (I had been moved into my bed at this point...like, my own bed in my room) and he pulled me into his lap and held me, telling me that I couldn't leave him and our daughter and that I had to be okay...he asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital and I said no, so he called Anette and Tarja back in and they gave me a few shots of vodka and then started stitching my wrists, the little girl watching the entire time...I woke up as soon as they put the bandages on...

What the fuck is up with that? It was so odd...and it felt so real. I woke up panicked, completely confused as to why my wrists weren't bandaged and there was no blood anywhere and everyone was gone...I actually burst into tears when I realized it was a dream...

*sigh*

Off to work...