...no, really. They are. I swear. Or so I keep trying to tell myself.
I have decided that I really shouldn't be around people right now. Everyone pisses me off simply by opening their mouth. And if it doesn't piss me off, it makes me want to cry. Spiffy, huh? I really wish this would all just stop, because I'm getting very gired of it. Very. Very. Tired.
Too many people expect perfection of me, and I am from perfect. Contrary to popular belief, I am not an angel. A fallen angel, perhaps, but not an angel. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Everyone keeps pulling me in 1001 different directions (haha, it's okay, you can laugh at the number reference...), and I'm coming apart at the seams. I'm really sorry that there is only one of me, and that there are only 24 hours in a day. I can't be everywhere at once, and I can't simply stop being human and turn off my emotions. I know they interfere with things in my life, and honestly, I'm not going to apologize for that. Because I spent too long pretending to be numb to force myself to shut it all down again now.
Yes, I realize that contradicts some of what I said previously (if you know what I'm talking about, you're special). But as I said, it's not true numbness...only the pain exists. And in truth, that is strangely comforting. The darkness has always been a friend to me...it's good to be wrapped up within its icy embrace once again...
I really do think it's incredibly unfair how much pressure that everyone around you puts upon you. They expect you to be so strong and perfect all the time, to always do things for them, to loan your time and energy {things you have very little of to spare to start with} and get pissy when you can't {not won't, can't} help. I mean...I know you don't mind helping but seriously, I think they all just need to back off and let you breathe a little.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think it's good that you let your emotions stay out and not lock them away, even if they get the better of you sometimes - sometimes feeling really sounds like a bad idea, but in the end, being numb isn't good at all.
Know that you always have me to talk to you about anything if you need me <3