I think I've finally just given up. I absolutely can't take anymore. Nothing is ever going to turn out the way I want it to, and I don't know why I bother trying. All I'm doing is frustrating myself, and for what? So that history can simply repeat itself over and over again until I finally just end it? No thank you.

So, I am simply going to sit here and get drunk, wait until my father goes to bed, and then probably spend the rest of the night crying. Alone. Because that's all that I am.

I try to paste on a smile, but it's never real. I fear that it never will be. All I'm meant to know is pain and tears. Perhaps when I accept that, I'll really smile.