Now that the first post is out of the way, I figured it was time to actually write something in here. I completely forgot that I had this account kicking around, but I suppose that was probably for the best. I have enough blogs that I don't keep up with as it is...though this one is more out of the way, I suppose. A bit of a secret, perhaps. We shall see.
Right now, my life feels like it's at a bit of a standstill. I don't know why. It doesn't make any sense for me to feel this way, but then again, my feelings very rarely make any sense to anyone but me. Maybe it's just that there's too much going on right now and I can't keep it all straight in my head...and my heart, well... treading in dangerous waters there, most definitely.
I've never been very good at sorting my head out. Logic is, obviously, not my strong point. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and that's usually a bad thing...leads me to being hurt more often than not. But I can't help it. I know that I'm vulnerable because of this, but in all honesty, I don't mind. I spent too many years trying to mask my emotions and keep the world from seeing who I truly was to go back to that now. Take it or leave it. This is who I am.
This post is really pointless, but in its own way, it makes perfect sense. I have too much happening in my mind and heart to be able to make sense to anyone else, but this will make sense to me even a few years from now. And when it comes right down to it, isn't that the point? Just like poetry...I write for myself. If someone else likes it and gets something out of it, great. If not, whatever. It's my life, my art, my words, my heart and soul. At the end of the day, it's ME.
It's late and I really should sleep. The sweetest moments of my life are spent in my dreams...
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Personally, as I said to you online, I think you're making perfect sense - well sorta. You are confused at the moment so of course any personal post you make here or anywhere isn't going to be the most well thought out thing in the universe. It's a good reflection of your current feelings, much like your poetry is.
ReplyDeleteHopefully this place stays private enough for whatever purposes you need for it. I am rather looking forward to those Nightwish rants. I hope that your trip with the boys this weekend helps things a bit, if not a lot.
The funny part about this comment is that everything I write is absolutely well thought out, and that's the frightening part...these are my purest, deepest thoughts in their raw form, and they really, really don't make much sense to anyone except for me. I mean, I know that you can see the basic ideas behind what I write because we spend so much time talking, but to anyone else who runs across this? I probably sound like a crazy person who's about to go off the deep end...haha...
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you'll get a Nightwish rant soon enough. People on the forum are slowly pushing me toward the breaking point...again. Go check the Tuomas thread, you'll see what I mean. Idiots.
Well...people have an odd way of condemning what they don't understand. If they knew what has happened and the basic ideas and such, then they wouldn't believe it to be so nuts.
ReplyDeleteAs for the Tuomas thing, are they seriously talking about whether he reads fanmail and responds or not? Man...they are so stupid...o.o